I have experienced the most horrific pain ever. This was worse then childbirth. It was comparable to a kidney stone. I had the mammogram done and she showed me the initials images. I saw a few things I’m concerned about. I’ll get those results in a couple weeks.

 The hysterosalpingogram is another story. Since I had hydrothermal ablation, this ended up being extremely painful. They used a catheter into the uterus. With the ablation, the uterus had healed onto itself there for it felt like they were ripping me in half, literally. They then inflated the balloon so they could inject contrast dye. My heart rate jumped up to 260/180 and I was coated in sweat. It was similar to when my IUD slipped back in 2001. It was the worst fucking pain of my life, besides the kidney stone. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, save a select few. (chuckles) I cried and ripped a whole in the pillow case. Needless to say I will NOT be experiencing that again. There was a concern or two over the how contast dye filled my uterus and my Gyno will have to look at the images from the floroscope and see if there’s a reason to be concerned. I should get an update in a couple weeks.

My biopsy is on the 23rd and my mom is going with me to hold my hand. He is taking 3 samples from the mark in question and based on what bit I saw on the images, I have a feeling it won’t be good. My mom and her mother have had cysts, and my other grand mother has had breast cancer. My dad had melanoma as well, and his twin had a mass in his head. Cancer seems to love my family. So my personal risk is quite high and I’m prepared for the worst but hoping for the best. I’ll cope and make the best regardless of the outcome. I have a very select group of folks that I trust and will share details with and lean on for support, should I need it.

Time to watch some hockey, then my CBS shows are on for the night, plus my stitching is calling my name.

Tomorrow is one of the days I’ve been dreading for two weeks. I have a mammogram tomorrow afternoon. I am terrified. This is being coupled with a biopsy on the 23rd. To say I’m concerned is a given. I have reason to believe there’s something going on within myself and its time to find out.

I’m also having my hysterosalpingogram tomorrow. This is just to check  my tubes and be sure they are closed off. I’ve had a huge amount of relief since the hydrothermal ablation in July and my periods have since ceased. Thank God!

I’ve been working, going to the gym and learning balance in my personal life. I’ve found a happy medium with all that I have to do with all that I want to do.

All that having been said, I have today off and I have things I need to finish and then I’m going to enjoy my day.  

I have a novel in my head. I have tons of things I want to share and write but putting it down for others to read and absorb is difficult. It’s not fear of comments its just making sure folks understand.

We are looking to relocate. He is looking out of state for a job. He is fed up with his current job and he’s finally willing to move out of Michigan. I won’t say where we are looking but it’s warmer and the economy is better. I’m beyond ready for a change and its just.. time.

Nate has decided that spending time here is beneath him. After long consideration, I’ve decided to take the matter up with the courts and see what can be done. I have some paperwork here that should help the courts see my side very clearly and I hope it works. If not, I have a back up plan to fall back on and it will lighten my stress levels a great deal.

The kids are doing great. Logan is loving kindergarten and Lauren is doing alright in 5th grade.She is struggling abit but we are helping her as much as we can. The school is giving her alot of support and I’m confident she will be alright. 

As for myself, I’m slimming down slowly. I am wearing clothes I couldn’t before and feeling fabulous. I eat right, I exerise (even when I can’t get to the gym) and I’m working regularly. I’m happier then I’ve been in months. I used my first paycheck and got a pedicure! I’ve not had one in about 5 yrs and it was delightful! I also got a new bra and matching panties (in red lace) and a cami for a shirt that I love dearly. I feel like a whole new person.

Things to do, folks to call, and places to go today.