I’m tired, cranky and getting sick, again.

Needless to say I’m not in the best of moods lately and would rather be somewhere warm then surrounded by the freakin snow that doesn’t seem to stop falling.

My appointment with my doctor (the internal medicine one) for pain management turned out to be fruitful. I now have Norco, Diclofenac and Lidodrem patches to help me get by. I’m seeing the Ortho in March and looking forward to finally being seen and seeing what they think and what the next step is. My guess, knee surgery, again. Oh joy of joys. My right knee was operated on in Oct 2004. I felt decent in the following weeks. Now, I’m right back where I was before I had the surgery. My right knee is grinding, popping and locking. Again, oh joy of joys. So I’ve got the lidodrem patch on and it does help. My knee is numb. Seriously. Slap my knee, I don’t feel it. Much.

The left knee was operated on in May 2006. So far its weathering fine but I know that with babying my right knee for awhile the left will start to suffer and well, that will mean that the left will need surgery again too. It’s a vicious fucking cycle. I hate taking meds and I hate physical therapy. Plus, as I’ve bitched about before, I don’t really have anyone local so I do this alone, outside of Shawn’s help. But well, I’ve bitched about that before. Some days he’s fabulous other days having him here “helping” is like having another child.

So work is finally picking back up and I’m starting to get my hours back. Thank fuck because I am tired of the low hours and shitty checks I had these last couple weeks. I have things I’d like to do and with Valentines Day coming I need to get a gift or two. But then again, I’m feeling cynical today and fuck it. Valentines Day sucks too.

See a trend here?

I don’t feel good, life ends up sucking ass and I post cranky shit. Lovely eh? I’m a joy to be around lately. Maybe I should pop another Norco :)

Think I’ll go stitch and watch some mind numbing television.

*Yawn*

I’m extremely happy to say that I’m getting a bit of a “promotion” at work. It seems my boss has much faith in me and well, I am pretty darn special. So B (my boss) has elected me to drive around to local businesses with flyers (and coupons attached) and establish a relationship as sort of an outside sales person. Not sales like selling them something but sales in the aspect of helping the business thrive and help other businesses in Michigan.

Lets face it, out of all the states in the nation, Michigan is ranked 1st in unemployment and 50th in growth. Lord all mighty, this state has had the life sucked out of it. The govenor hasn’t helped as much as she would like us here to think. She was simply the lesser of the two evils. We have lost more business and companies then she has helped to bring in. 8-1 ratio. How sad.

So B is going to be sending me out to make friends, establish abit of a relationship and try to draw some life back into the store. But this is not all my dear boss has in store for me. Oh no. I am now the offical computer geek of the store. Tuesday night I was called in to help with a program issue that S (office manager) was having. I tinkered and played around and was stumped. It was an ancient program that I had lost my familiarity with, so I called the one person that I KNEW would have a clue. Thanks to my darling Maisy, the problem was solved. I give her 99% of the credit. I get 1% for making the call to her and getting the answers =^.^= She is the one that spent over an hour working on the problem. I just relayed it and fixed the actual computer. I am also going to upgrade their program to something I’m way more familiar with so that this doesn’t happen again.

So I have a two part promotion now. I feel very blessed to have made myself invaluable to them and have access to the office, where many are not even allowed to be. It’s not that I’m better then anyone else there, I just have more knowledge then they do and am more adept with the computer and programs and other such nonsense. Yay me!

I’ve had a lovely email exchange going all morning and I won’t lie. I am thrilled at the positive responses I get back each time we exchange. The emails are nice, cordial and make us both smile. It is someone I’ve not spoken to in years but the door is open and I plan on taking it very slow and establishing some trust back and forth so that the communication can increase and we can see where it goes.

Speaking of email, nothing new from Dad. Admittedly, I haven’t called him either. I don’t want to call yet without he and I setting up a date and time that works and I don’t risk catching him on a bad day or getting one of my step sisters. I’m treading lightly right now so as to not rock the boat and disrupt what has been established thus far. I’m sad though because I have to be so cautious in speaking to my own father. I have to worry over my step mother stepping in and stopping it or having it cause issues for my dad with his family there. I also have to do it here. My mother has no clue I speak to my dad via email or have called him. She would shit nickles if she knew.

It seems I am censoring a great deal in my life lately out of concern for what others think and do but some of it is to protect those that don’t need the drama and bullshit and some of it is protecting myself from being hurt. I don’t want any of my friends finding themselves under a microscope nor do I want to be under one myself so I don’t tell my mom about my call and emails with Dad and I don’t draw my friendships out much in my blog. Nemmy is exempt as she doesn’t blog, or chat. Maisy is exempt as well. She doesn’t care for much of the internet dramas and uses her machine to surf sites and find patterns and write emails to family and friends. I think she would even give that up if it wasn’t a nice outlet for her. M hides away and keeps off the computer as much as possible so as to not have to deal with any of this either. M reads my blog. Nothing more.

My tight knit circle has stayed that way these last months and I have enjoyed the comfortable quiet that has come with it. I speak with few, read a handful of blogs (and comment on some) and basically enjoy my solitude. It’s funny. I’ve spent more time here lately then I have in months. I think it’s time to get back to where I was in the fall and retreat into my silence and just embrace those around me again. No need for all the other stuff. I can post about my happiness and joy and be done with it.

I am considering getting a post up and posting a picture of my stitching. Suddenly I feel inspired and ready to grab my hoop and settle into my recliner and create. I do have a few pieces that are done that just need to be matted and framed. I grabbed glazing points from work and now I just have to find the site that I was given on how to set my work up, lace it and all that jazz. I have my work cut out for me too. I have more completed work then I can shake a stick at. It makes me wonder though. I have to ask this. The person that has the first piece I did and framed, do they still have it? Is it still on their wall? I’m curious as to how its holding up.

Ok I’m feeling inspired! Shower time and then I’m going to stitch! Wish me luck, I’m going to need it.

Well, I was gonna “ungrit” my teeth and such but I just wasn’t inspired to post anything back. I guess I’ve lost my touch. I just can’t seem to bring myself to bother so instead I’ll post about something else.

I picked up needle and thread and actually stitched. Scary right? Yeah, I felt the same way. I worked a full thread on this little project I’m doing for Lauren and yet I don’t care to finish it or even start another project. I got 1001 things going on in my life and I’m finding it difficult to make time for stitching at all.

I’ve been reading when I can, watching what little bit of new television is on with the writers guild on strike still and we have taken to renting movies. Transformers rocked where Balls of Fury was pretty lame. I did enjoy Blades of Glory though. I have 2 action flicks with Tony Jaa in them that I want to see. I love me some asskickery.

The weather has proved to be absolutely shitty lately. We have lake effect snow warnings in affect. That means (for all those that don’t have a clue) when Arctic air goes over Lake Michigan it creates heavy bands of snow that can bring some retardedly serious snowfall. We are expecting roughly 8 inches tonight and 2 more tomorrow. Oh joy. I am SO glad I am off work tomorrow.

So I read around the blogworld today and found it fairly quiet. Nohting much of interest going on. I did enjoy a few nice emails though and shared some thoughts with someone. It was nice to find a receptive email in return and not the opposite. Thank you for writing back, it was much appreciated.

As for home life, things are comfortable and steady. Shawn is working his ass off and dealing with the route changes and taking on alot of responsibility at home when I work nights. We have learned to balance our schedules nicely so that things are fairly seamless and we are doing well. Speaking of well, we have been spending tons of quality time together. My hours at work may be cut but it gives me way more time at home with the kids and him. We end up sitting up at night, talking, sharing a drink here and there and watching movies together. Long gone are the days of utter silence at night, sometimes we get “Mindtrap” out and ask each other the questions and see what the other comes up with for an answer. We end up in bed earlier then usual and lay there and talk. Sometimes I get lucky and I get a massage! Sometimes I do that for him. Either way, our marriage is sound and we are enjoying each other. Life is good, now if only the fucking weather would co-operate or we could live somewhere warmer.

Things are as they should be. All is very right in my world and things are falling into place nicely. I can’t complain really. I shared pictures of the house as it is now with someone yesterday and though it wasn’t tidy, I was very proud to share it. I’m working on organization considering all the space I’ve lost but so far I think I’ve done well. I’ve tossed out alot of stuff and weeded things down, donated alot to the Church and resold the better stuff. Yay for me! I’m getting all Martha Stewart! LOL!

Ok, I’m gonna finally shush and scoot outta here for the day. I am gonna bake, and then clean up abit around the house and finally settle in for some brand new Criminal Minds and CSI NY tonight.

kthanxbai