I’m sitting in a totally dark house, nothing but the monitors light to illuminate my keys and enjoy the silence around me.

Mimi is asleep at my feet, Morgan on the couch and the cats are roaming quietly. The whole house is like a tomb. The soft quiet of the impending daylight is slowly breaching my window.  I’m wrapped in a thick heavy blanket, my toes toasty and warm, fingerless gloves on my hands and my long curls loose and free around my face. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so safe and swaddled.  Well, I can think of 2 times but those are private times that are locked away inside me forever.

It’s been snowing for days. The ground is harsh frozen wasteland, the wind has not stopped blowing and the windchills are in the negative numbers and yet I can sit here and smile. I am happy in who and what I am. I am happy in where I am in my personal life and I am happy in what I am as a mother.

So often I forget myself and take care of others and neglect myself. I have taken action to stop that. I am on a new self imposed healthier diet. I am eating better, drinking my water and keeping a positive mental outlook. I got soft in the middle since starting my job in September. I am unhappy with how my body has softened and filled. So back to the self imposed diet and keeping myself on track. I may not go to the gym anymore (since I have a job and live too far away) but I can make an effort to take care of myself. I live on a cul de sac so I can start walking again too. I can take the dogs with me.

The beauty of living in a small town, I can walk almost anywhere I like. Of course, realistically it’s not safe anymore but I can and will walk my cul de sac once the weather breaks and get some regular exercise. I need to find my pilates ball and get a floor mat and I can do most of my good exercises right here at home for free.

So in essence I am happy. I am happy in aspects of my life and I feel blessed to be able to relax and just enjoy life instead of worrying so much. My bills are paid, my taxes are filled, the house is coming along (slowly) and for the most part, I can’t complain.

The light has finally broken the solitude of my living room. The dark is gone. I hear small feet shuffling down the hallway, I think I’ll snuggle the cute blond in my house before starting my day.