I’m extremely mellow tonight. It’s been a long couple of days at home. Logan has been with me since he was sick and I’ve been driven properly nuts at waiting on a child hand and foot. I’ve enjoyed the freedom of having half days to myself with him in school. Oh the bliss I shall enjoy when first grade starts. My days off work will be spent doing what I like when I like how I like, for the most part.

I look around my home and I see so much I could be doing. I just lack the motivation to do it. I think I need Kitten to come and be neurotic and get me organized. She can’t stand clutter and such so maybe I should drag her north to the frozen tundra (minus snow at the moment) and help me. Martha Kitten Stuart. Hired!

The calm that I miss is slowly returning. Yes the email upset me and I’ve had to deal with that and I did end up contacting his father via email and had to deal with the emotional turmoil from that exchange. I do not regret my decision or choices. I did what is best for myself, my mental health and my family. It’s just hard to know that what is .. is not what I had envisioned or hoped for in my life.

I’ve hidden myself away alot lately. I don’t talk much openly, I don’t call anyone (for the most part) and I spend the better part of my time on the pc but with yahoo off completely. I don’t even bother with MSN anymore. I rarely turn it on at all. I live off yahoo and email exchanges. My crafts have yet again fallen to the way side and I’m not reading much either. I veg, check out YouTube, RedTube (for the hell of it) and reading my Google Reader as often as possible. I play alot of Bejeweled too. I have it on my home page, which I’ve recently changed to iGoogle. I simply love it. It keeps all the stuff I want to see handy on one easy to manage page.

Theres alot brewing deep inside me. I’ve been at odds with myself and the internal struggle is hard to ignore. I am evolving and changing again. I can feel it coming on. It’s almost time to take stock again and rethink a few things and look at a few aspects of myself abit closer. Hmm, that’s cryptic but oh well.

However, amidst all this, I am waiting the arrival of my newest toy to test. I ordered a cute lil bondage starter kit. Yay! Hurray for bondage! Now if only I could get a shibari kit and be tied into my first harness. Jinkies gang, shibari is on my horizon.

Ok I guess I should find something more productive and stimulating to do. I got tired of the fighting and arguing in my house tonight and hid myself in my blog. Shawn is getting sick and when that happens, everyone else is wrong and he is right. He becomes this overly angry, pissed off, easily irred “teenager” that I try to avoid. I was off the pc ages ago but had to bury my face here to avoid his temper. Lucky me. Now I get to deal with him for the night. Oh joy of joys. I think I’ll grab my ZenStonePlus and find some quiet in  my music.