am sick

will post pix when i feel betterz

So life is dealt me several blows at once. Nothing new right? Right. Ok so get this.

I went to the new orthopedic surgeon on the 6th right? First I get on the highway to head there and I notice my truck is not handling well. I stop, get a quart of oil and though I still don’t feel confident in my truck I drive on. I get to the appt and things go quick and well. Thank Fuck. I climb my ass back in my truck, hating the idea of the drive home with achy knees on the highway, press the brake to fire up Big Bertha and suddenly I feel the pedal hit the floor. OH FUCK! I fire it up, take the back road all the way home .. with no brakes. Yes, no fucking brakes. Lovely.

Amazingly I got home in one piece. I had to down shift ALOT to stop safely. Then I had to drive the fucking thing to work too. Joy of joys. It was obviously time to either repair Big Bertha or sell her for parts and get something new.

To top this all off, my new ortho has about as much charm as a bloody tampon. Absolutely NO bedside manner to speak of. All business, barely a smile. But, he refused to put me thru the paces of more rehab, drugs etc etc. Instead, he cut right to the chase. I am having yet ANOTHER knee surgery. April 4 at 9:45am I will be laying wide awake on an operating table watching a screen and hearing the grinding of tools moving around in my knee. The weird freaky chick inside me is thrilled. The chicken shit wimp is going SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT. I will then recoup abit, and get this injections to lubricate my knee and in the fall I will have my left knee done as well. He wants to get both knees on the same level playing ground so we can get them healthy all at once. Very cool shit.

Back to the mess with my lovely Ford F150 aka Big Bertha. She is being sold. Yes the gas tanks leak (both of them but beeswax will fix that easily) and yes the brake cylinder is blown in the front (but its cheap to fix from what I was told) but she is going to find a new home. Someone from work (possibly 2) are going to consider buying her. I have already replaced my beloved Bertha. The new ride is a lil lavendar-ish colored 1997 Dodge Neon. It is SOOOOOO girlie. Shawn won’t ever want to drive this, not when I get done with her. The purkle pixie (yes purposely misspelled) has a Happy Bunny steering wheel cover, and 2 purkle sprite seat covers (on clearance at Target tyvm) and will soon have some lovely goth fae stickers in the back window and a lovely chinese symbol for Peace on the front window, not to mention a few Bettys to add to the windows as well. Shawn won’t be caught dead in my darling purkle pixie (go beep beep). Pictures to be posted in the very near future. I want to give her a bath and add stickers before I post any.

We hit the mall and all of us needed new shoes. Shawn and I both got new Nike Shox, Logan got 2 pair from Payless (cuz I refuse to buy name brands for growing feet unless its a once in a lifetime deal) and Lauren got a pair of Airwalks (pink) as well. Our final purchase was from Target as well. The kids got their belated (and well earned) birthday presents. Both were gifted with Nintendo DS’s and a game each and both saved birthday money to hit GameStop and get a used game as well. Needless to say, we have new electronics. So much for my PSP and a new tv. But it was well worth it. We have decided to take the tax break checks coming this year and put it towards a TV for the house (with the extra for me to get a PSP.)

My day ended with a short trip to the Mother/Son Dance. I slipped into a skirt, cream shirt and sweater set and some heels and my handsome son wore brown trousers with a maroon shirt that had stripes in it. Off we went to dance, or so I thought, drink horrible punch and eat stale cookies. Well, we did part of that. I didn’t see the dance floor but to walk across it and sit. Logan promptly found his friends and took off running. The highlight of the night was when he won a door prize. Nothing special, just a grab bag but for a 6yr old, it was the greatest thing to happen at the dance. I had a lovely chat with one of his friends mother and we are going to have a playdate soon.

I love my new job. The folks I work with are amazing and theres a regular scheduled Girls Night Out. YAY! I’m looking forward to that in a BIG way. I do not miss the bullshit and drama at the other place and theres plenty of new drama to get filled in on at the new job.

No one asked a single question of me, and part of me is thrilled. Consider the offer to answer anything.. revoked. :)

As for me, I am tired, knees and feet hurt and I have to read my owners manual just so I can find everything on my car. I think I’ll make Shawn toss in 300 and sit back and relax.

Popcorn and water are calling!

Seems most of the blogs I’m heavily addicted to are doing this .. so here goes nothing.

Ask me anything. No name required. No info required. I’ll lift the comment restrictions. Ask me anything and I’ll do my best to answer honestly.

The floor is yours.

I’m extremely mellow tonight. It’s been a long couple of days at home. Logan has been with me since he was sick and I’ve been driven properly nuts at waiting on a child hand and foot. I’ve enjoyed the freedom of having half days to myself with him in school. Oh the bliss I shall enjoy when first grade starts. My days off work will be spent doing what I like when I like how I like, for the most part.

I look around my home and I see so much I could be doing. I just lack the motivation to do it. I think I need Kitten to come and be neurotic and get me organized. She can’t stand clutter and such so maybe I should drag her north to the frozen tundra (minus snow at the moment) and help me. Martha Kitten Stuart. Hired!

The calm that I miss is slowly returning. Yes the email upset me and I’ve had to deal with that and I did end up contacting his father via email and had to deal with the emotional turmoil from that exchange. I do not regret my decision or choices. I did what is best for myself, my mental health and my family. It’s just hard to know that what is .. is not what I had envisioned or hoped for in my life.

I’ve hidden myself away alot lately. I don’t talk much openly, I don’t call anyone (for the most part) and I spend the better part of my time on the pc but with yahoo off completely. I don’t even bother with MSN anymore. I rarely turn it on at all. I live off yahoo and email exchanges. My crafts have yet again fallen to the way side and I’m not reading much either. I veg, check out YouTube, RedTube (for the hell of it) and reading my Google Reader as often as possible. I play alot of Bejeweled too. I have it on my home page, which I’ve recently changed to iGoogle. I simply love it. It keeps all the stuff I want to see handy on one easy to manage page.

Theres alot brewing deep inside me. I’ve been at odds with myself and the internal struggle is hard to ignore. I am evolving and changing again. I can feel it coming on. It’s almost time to take stock again and rethink a few things and look at a few aspects of myself abit closer. Hmm, that’s cryptic but oh well.

However, amidst all this, I am waiting the arrival of my newest toy to test. I ordered a cute lil bondage starter kit. Yay! Hurray for bondage! Now if only I could get a shibari kit and be tied into my first harness. Jinkies gang, shibari is on my horizon.

Ok I guess I should find something more productive and stimulating to do. I got tired of the fighting and arguing in my house tonight and hid myself in my blog. Shawn is getting sick and when that happens, everyone else is wrong and he is right. He becomes this overly angry, pissed off, easily irred “teenager” that I try to avoid. I was off the pc ages ago but had to bury my face here to avoid his temper. Lucky me. Now I get to deal with him for the night. Oh joy of joys. I think I’ll grab my ZenStonePlus and find some quiet in  my music.