9 years and some days it still feels like yesterday.

I miss you still. You were like a mother to me.

I love you.

************

Monday July 26 11am

So today is another day. I’m still hurting. I’ve been in this “hurting” stage for a couple of weeks. I’ve not been my normal self at all and I know it. I’m not the same this time of year. I struggle more now then I do around her birthday or the holidays.

I think its because I was there. I held her as she let go and I was the one that took care of her. It took its emotional toll on me years ago and I still live with the aftermath, some days (and years) are just rougher then others.

I’m ok today though. Really. I stitched last night for the first time in forever. I made some serious progress on the piece I’ve been working on for Lauren. Finally I think I may finish it for Christmas, framed and everything.

So here I sit, semi wallowing in my misery and missing her. But deep down, I know I’m ok. I have the love of a good man, my wonderful children, a couple of devoted friends and the dreams of what I want and long to be. One day, July 27 won’t hurt so much and I’ll be able to just cope with the emotions and not cry.

My rock through all this…. One day I will have it all.