Right Now…
November10
I am afraid of change.
I am worried about a future that isn’t here yet.
I am fearful of the quiet that will engulf me later.
I miss my best friend and want to erase all the things that haunt her.
I avoided my best friend from high school because I don’t want to be seen as a failure in her eyes.
I cried quietly in the bathroom tonight because I felt neglected when deep down I know I wasn’t.
I almost cut tonight and I’m still lingering there.
I’m still crying and I can’t be sure what the reason is.
I’m pretending that I’m ok when deep down I’m just a scared little girl that wants the pain, the fear and the worry to go away.
I’m afraid that it won’t ever change.
I wish I was …… not here.
We’re all afraid of change and the future… we just can’t let it consume us.
There are always people we wish we could save, and always those that we feel we’ll never be “good enough” for.
Sometimes the shadows just take over, and all gets blown out of proportion - like feeling neglected and unloved even over the smallest slights.
Try not to cut… I know it helps at the moment, but it sets you back… let the tears flow like they need to, let them release some of the built up tension inside you.
None of us are completely ok, we’re all pretending to some extent, but at least you’re being honest about it here, and with yourself… we all have different pains, fears and worries that we bury and hide from the world.
It will change… or you will, not sure which.
{{{hugs}}}
lalana
I’m glad you’re here… *hug!*