Paranoia is in bloom,
The PR transmissions will resume,
They’ll try to push drugs that keep us all dumbed down,
And hope that we will never see the truth around
(So come on)
Another promise, another scene,
Another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed,
And all the green belts wrapped around our minds,
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined
(So come on)

They will not force us,
They will stop degrading us,
They will not control us,
We will be victorious
(So come on)

Interchanging mind control,
Come let the revolution take it’s toll,
If you could flick a switch and open your third eye,
You’d see that
We should never be afraid to die
(So come on)

Rise up and take the power back,
It’s time the fat cats had a heart attack,
You know that their time’s coming to an end,
We have to unify and watch our flag ascend

They will not force us,
They will stop degrading us,
They will not control us,
We will be victorious

Tonight is .. not like today was.

I feel like utter shit. My mouth is in pain. I feel like I was punched at the jaw joint right in front of my ear. Vicodin just isn’t helping and the dentist told me to not use anbesol or orajel. Why?

I’ve been quiet the last week. Long story why but I have been.

Today was nice but my mood has since crashed slightly. I vocalized a few things that really brought them more to the surface than I had previously allowed so far. I’m not moody or anything but unhappy and pissed off….yes.

I’m rather resentful tonight. I’m unhappy and just ….. at the point of seclusion. I’m not going to fall away into the dark or anything but I’ve kept my personal life very guarded and secret. It’s been frustrating as hell and I don’t like not being able to talk on my damn blog openly about my life. But I’ve been at the point of keeping things close to the chest because I just don’t need or want the drama that would likely be associated.

I think next week I’ll do a passworded post about what is going on. I need to vent and get it all out there. The password will be given ONLY to those that ask for it and I would prefer via email please.

As for all else, I’m still scared to death about Thursday. Matter of fact, I’ve had several anxiety attacks every day since the decision to do the extraction was made. I get nervous talking about it. If something sets off pain in my teeth, I have an anxiety attack.

Oh and before I go…

Kaya, I’m short on cash so I’ll hopefully be sending the books out after I recoup from my teeth. I’m shooting for about Nov 2. I’ll drop you an email and let you know with a tracking number.

I’m going to go take my vicodin and curl up with some reading. I’m frustrated, upset, and still full of resentment. I’m waiting, always waiting. I really hate it.

Srsly.

Yes I still feel like hammered dog shit. My mouth hurts and I didn’t sleep for shit last night.

Blah.

In an effort to become more cash wise and such, I am now reading Domestic Servitude. I want new ideas for my home and family in a way and I want to cut costs where I can. I’ve added it to my Google Reader (the bible of the internet designed JUST for me) and plan on extracting tons of good ideas from it religiously.

Sure, I’m no slave and I don’t really do domestic servitude. Hell, I’m not even in a bdsm relationship where I can be remotely submissive, but I like the idea of getting the house and myself running better, regardless of my situation.

I was reading the thread on Fetlife in the Domestic Servitude group and found a recipe for homemade laundry soap. Keeping in mind that I do probably 7 loads a week with a variety of clothes and household goods in them, I’m trying to decide if I should undertake doing this or not.

For those that have tried it, what are the key things I should avoid? What are the little tips that you’ve tried that have worked for you? I’m going to buy a 5gal bucket from work for storage (I think) or use one of the pails from our kitty litter that has a top on it. I’m trying to wrap my head around this so I can try to cut corners. I’m always looking for good inexpensive solutions to common household problems.

Ok back to resting. I have to work today at 2 and frankly I’m dreading it. I have to work with the one manager that is highly tempermental. I never know which part of her personality I get to deal with each time I walk in the door. I’ll be packing my cross and holy water today, just in case.

Yes I know. I should be in the recliner but for anyone that was reading, I wanted to update.

I AM having the quad extraction the 29th. My Mommy is going to pick me up at the dentists office and bring me home after. My car may sit there for a day or two, but I’m sure that’s not going to be a problem.

I am to take it easy, take my meds, be sure to finish my antibiotics and keep the pop consumption down to a minimum.

The weekend of the extractions I am hijacking Lauren’s tv/dvd/cable box and hiding out in my bedroom the whole time to heal.

Pictures of Theresa the Chipmunk will be posted. Har dee har har.

Ok back to the recliner. I don’t feel good! I has an owie!

I should be resting. I’m supposed to be in the recliner resting. I’ll bet money that there is a set of eyes reading this making a face because I’m not resting. But I needed to get up and so I decided to take the time to post alittle.

I went to the dentist today for the first time in like…. (I had to look it up) 9 yrs. Yeah, dangerous. Really bad. Stop shaking your head at me. I know, trust me.. I KNOW!

So I go in and I’m really honest about my dental history. The hygenist is looking at me like I’m a moron. I’m telling my tale and the guy (his name was Chip, swear to God, Chip works in the dentists office) and hes all “Ok then let’s get some x-rays”

I gag on those damn bite wings and the ones for the way back teeth. Mind you, I went in for tooth pain to begin with so the last thing I want is to bite down on plastic. Xrays happen, I gag (of course) and he starts poking around in my mouth with a sharp object.

Can we say .. OWMOTHERFUCKER

Long story short, Chip takes a trip into the recesses of my mouth and 45mins later, I have to have all 4 wisdom teeth removed. Both back left have as Chip said “big ass holes” in them and they are full of decay. Thank you K-flex antibiotics. And since we have to remove 2, Dr Dentist Man says “Hell Theresa, take em all!” Hence, they are all being removed. I see the oral surgeon on 10/29 at 11am. I have no clue (I’m calling tomorrow) if thats the day of extraction. If it is, I’m going to be seriously doped up. I opted for IV meds to knock me the fuck out. And I want sutures, not gauze. I gag.

So then Chip in all his wisdom starts driving this pointed spike thinger into my mouth to check my gums. I can only assume that it was to measure how far my gums have receded. Yeah my gums bled just seeing the damn thing. My whole left side of my mouth is now fully inflamed (Thanks Chip, fucker) and I can barely open my mouth. (Stop cheering!!!)

I’m off tomorrow thankfully and taking my antibiotics like a good girl, and Dr Dentist Man was nice enough to gimme some pain killers since Chip was poking around and pissing off my mouth.

Any one that knows me or has met me knows I am not one for pain. Sure I can take a good ass beating but thats pain I like. This is different. I’m a baby, srsly. I have to take it easy on hard foods, keep it soft and managable and wait it out till the end of the month to get my mouth healthy. Then, a month later I get to go back and get “planed and scaled”. In other words, more pain in my mouth. They are going to have to DIG shit outta my gums. Joy.

Shawn isn’t a very good caretaker. He’s already complaining that he is going to have to take care of me and that I’ll be a huge pain in the ass. Oh goody. He’s going to be a joy and full of resentment. Funny though, I nursed him through a wicked double root canal for a week. So I will have to take care of myself as much as I can afterwards since I’ll only have the kids for help.

Once my mouth heals, I am going to MAKE myself take better care of my teeth. I’ve been lucky so far but this is ungodly pain now and I can’t take it.

Who wants to come over and help me heal and watch movies? No popcorn but I’ll supply the ice cream and popsicles.

(I’m going to lay down in the recliner before I get yelled at)

So, do you lurk? Are you a voyeur? Do you just like to watch?

It seems I have a few. But today is LOL Day. So lurkers, be kind and reply.

Leave a comment. Show some love. I’ll comment back, I promise.

It’s been ages since I’ve done this but I opted in because its the anniversary.

1. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), how satisfied are you with your life?
– 5. Things are not what I want them to be, where I want them to be.

1a. On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest), how satisfied are you with your sex life?
– 0. I’ve not had real physical sex in awhile and what I have had, has sucked.

2. What is the easiest way for you to reach orgasm?
– Being double penetrated, and NO not with 2 cocks. I like a plug in the backdoor while being properly fucked and used.

3. what are 3 inevitable things about you?
– 1) I love fully and passionately. 2) Nothing comes before the happiness and well being of my children and 3) I am highly jealous, explosively so.

4. What is your favorite sexual position? (yes you have to narrow it to one)
– Hmm difficult. Ok so it sounds funny but I love missionary. I love to be under and completely physically Dominated by being pinned under the other person.

4a. What is you least favorite sexual position?
– To go with the previous, I dislike being on top the most. Sure I have some control but in the bedroom, I don’t want it.

5. Favorite body part/parts of the opposite (or same) sex?
– I’m all about the eyes and the legs. I can melt with just one look from piercing eyes. I can stare at a mans legs for hours.

6. Would you rather have your significant other (this can be a hypothetical SO) have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else? [You have to pick one.]
– I’d rather my SO have sex with another. I can cope with that, falling in love is one of those things that is a relationship breaker for me.

7. When you have a “toe-curling” orgasm, do your does curl up, or down?
– Depends on the orgasm, anally induced or vaginally? :)

8. Name three words that:
a) get you excited — slut
b) make you squirm — choke
c) make you laugh — puddle (as in I puddle when He touchs me) I think its a funny word :)

Happy Anniversary TMI Tuesday!

and I rushed to him, in the fading light
arms outstretched to receive all of him
wild and unkept
I left myself free
Letting him turn me
into what he desired most
and lo
it was there
I finally found freedom
Released from myself
Given chains
to bind me to him

I wrote this. Just now. I don’t know where it came from, what brought it on or why.

I just felt it inside me and let it out.

I’ve sat, alone in the semi dark closet… the point of the blade poised just so at the back of my neck….

fighting the urge….

I’m losing.