Tonight is .. not like today was.

I feel like utter shit. My mouth is in pain. I feel like I was punched at the jaw joint right in front of my ear. Vicodin just isn’t helping and the dentist told me to not use anbesol or orajel. Why?

I’ve been quiet the last week. Long story why but I have been.

Today was nice but my mood has since crashed slightly. I vocalized a few things that really brought them more to the surface than I had previously allowed so far. I’m not moody or anything but unhappy and pissed off….yes.

I’m rather resentful tonight. I’m unhappy and just ….. at the point of seclusion. I’m not going to fall away into the dark or anything but I’ve kept my personal life very guarded and secret. It’s been frustrating as hell and I don’t like not being able to talk on my damn blog openly about my life. But I’ve been at the point of keeping things close to the chest because I just don’t need or want the drama that would likely be associated.

I think next week I’ll do a passworded post about what is going on. I need to vent and get it all out there. The password will be given ONLY to those that ask for it and I would prefer via email please.

As for all else, I’m still scared to death about Thursday. Matter of fact, I’ve had several anxiety attacks every day since the decision to do the extraction was made. I get nervous talking about it. If something sets off pain in my teeth, I have an anxiety attack.

Oh and before I go…

Kaya, I’m short on cash so I’ll hopefully be sending the books out after I recoup from my teeth. I’m shooting for about Nov 2. I’ll drop you an email and let you know with a tracking number.

I’m going to go take my vicodin and curl up with some reading. I’m frustrated, upset, and still full of resentment. I’m waiting, always waiting. I really hate it.

Srsly.