I just realized I’ve not posted a single thing in almost 2 weeks. So I guess I should post.

Kaya did a thankful post. I don’t usually but her post inspired me.

I’mma copy her alittle, I think.

My list of “Things I’m Thankful For” :

• My mom. Without her lately, I’d be at the end of my rope. We don’t always get along but I’d be lost without her.
• My children, all 3 of them. I live in the hope that one day I can see Nate and rekindle some sort of relationship with him. Lauren has him on Facebook and I peek at his pix through her profile. I miss my son.
• My family. I am getting closer to them all, with the exception of my uncle. It’s entirely his loss. I’ll explain that in another post.
• My friends. My RL friends, and Facebook friends. Most of those are all folks I see regularlly or went to high school with. I have reconnected with a few of them and it feels nice. I’m not the person I was in high school and many see that.
• Cross stitching. This has been my hiding place. I hide in my fabrics, fibers and patterns. I emerse myself in a place no one can touch me in and pretend the world is okay within the stitches. It’s a haven.
• Books. Oh my gosh I read so much more now then I have in ages. Kaya sent me books and I’m about to crack open the first to see if I like them.
• Movies. I’m a movie fanatic. I will watch almost anything, with the minor exception of chick flicks. I’m finicky on which of those I’ll watch but I like losing myself in movies and forgetting the troubles of my life for a couple of hours.
• My online friends. People like kaya, Kitten, la`miette, nems, Soull, Joe, Gray Lily (though she barely knows I exist lol), Gina, Mija, Jo .. all of these amazing folks I’d never be graced to have be a part of my online family. Some I am especially close to, others are more on a talk when we can basis, but they have all touched my life in some way or another. There are a couple of others I won’t name here (we either don’t speak or are no longer friends) have touched me too. Without any of you all, I wouldn’t be who I am now and I wouldn’t see the potential in myself. Kaya is one that is especially near to my heart (though she may not know it). I completely admire and respect her, and look up to her. Luna is another. Women of strength that give it all up to serve so selflessly and completely. I want to be like you both when I grow up.
• History. Yes I’m thankful for history. I’ve learned more about myself from my past then I could ever have dreamed was there. I was blind to so much but my own sordid history with friends and men has taught me several valuable lessons. None of which I will forget anytime soon.

I could probably go on but I don’t want to. I’ve been on the brink of tears for about a half hour and I’m holding them back. The holidays are rough time of year for me, for a variety of reasons. It’s not just missing those that have passed on but those that have moved past me that I regret not holding on to.

It doesn’t help that things here aren’t at their healthiest and that just adds to my stress, along with the reason why Thanksgiving is a trying day for my mother and I. (That story will be posted after the holiday, in case something happens)

For now, I guess I should be happy that at least a few of those I love so much love me back and count me among their blessings. You are all in my thoughts during this holiday (even if you aren’t celebrating it) and I miss you guys.

Really, I do.