I got called in earlier then my shift. I knew this last night. So today I will clock 7 hrs, which is abnormal for me. I don’t get shifts longer then 5 (because any thing over that means a lunch break) so today I am up early and slowly willing myself to get ready.

The last few days have been a struggle. Not only have I had to deal with my wrist issues, there is the matter that my Mom is going through a difficult period.

She does home health aide for several older women. Her longest client Marianne, passed away this week. My mother is currently across the state in Livonia for the funeral. She is staying with some members of Marianne’s family. She had taken care of her for 4yrs and though they saw this coming, it was still hard emotionally on my mother. I feel for her, I really do.

Add to this that my dear friend Bill has suffered a loss as well. A member of his family, Papa (short a’s, like pat without the t) passed. Last night was the viewing and today is that funeral. (Both funerals on the same day, *shivers*).

Two people I care for deeply are greiving today and I am helpless to do little more then comfort and offer support. I know its enough for both of them but those that know me, know I hate to sit idly by and watch those I love suffer.

It makes me grateful that I’m working today, and longer then normal. I can submerge myself in my job and try to let it wash me away. The rest of the weekend proves to be just as busy. Tomorrow Lauren has a choir concert at the high school, two of othem actually. We were allowed tickets to only one review of it of course. Our district isn’t big but we have big families.

Sunday is the Super Bowl of course. I am personally cheering for the Colts while most everyone else I know is yelling for the Saints. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of either team but I like Peyton Manning and admire his charitable work. Hence my cheering for him.

I find myself bored lately. Tv doesn’t help, reading is ok and my stitching is becoming left for dead again. I can’t finish one project because it seems a handful of the threads aren’t in the bag I had it all together in. I don’t have the complete list of colors either. So I’m screwed on that one. I have little else to stitch currently. Either I need fabric or threads or I have things to stitch but they are slightly above my level of stitching or I have fabric and threads but no pattern. Talk about major suckage. There is no store locally. I have to either drive to Battle Creek or Plainwell or order online. None of which are options for me due to financial strains.

Little League sign-up needs to be paid for Logan (Lauren isn’t playing this year), there’s a double clinic at Courthouse for volleyball the week of Spring Break that she would rather attend so I have to pay for that. Chuck is supposed to pay the bulk of it but heaven only knows when I’ll see that money. (More on why in a few) . To top it all off, Logan’s birthday is next week. Christmas to early February is an expensive time of year around this house. Holidays, birthdays, little league and clinics drain my wallet faster then I can fill it. Just another reason I’m glad for the extra hours today.

Regarding Chuck and the money situation… its like this. First he owes me for replacing the POS mp3 player he got Lauren for Christmas. He bought a really cheap crappy thing. She asked for a particular one, not overly expensive and showed him pictures. She also told him more then once that she didn’t care if it was the ONLY thing he got her. He didn’t manage to get that right. He owes me $35 for the upgrade to the right one. (No, not an iTouch or anything but a nice Sansa Fuze 4gb). Part of our divorce is that he pays for sports along with me. If I pay to get the equipment, he pays the fees. Being that I have Lauren it makes more sense for me to buy the things she needs as I know what sizes etc to get. So he pays the fees (softball is $70) and I do all the other stuff. I get help from family for equipment, thankfully, but he doesn’t know that. I do all the running and leg work though. It’s a far trade. So he is paying for the double clinic at Courthouse (his normal $70), I’ll cover the last $10 and get her there, or Shawn will. So he ows me $105 but… his dad is in the hospital.

They found a tumor on his bladder. Chuck just showed up late last night to be here for the surgery. Lauren is a might bit pissy that no one told her about how things were going, or what was going on but she’s 13 and needs to focus. Chuck on the other hand didn’t warn her he was coming up (she knew her Grandpa was sick)  so shes highly pissed at him for not saying anything. Shes more upset that she may not even see her Dad. That’s not my fault. But shes 13 now and the AntiChrist. Nothing makes her happy unless shes getting her way, right?

As for me, I muddle through it all and watch for the outcomes. I can’t do much in any of the above mentioned situations but sit back and see how it all plays out and be here to collect the pieces and offer my shoulder for support.

I just wonder when I will have that same shoulder offered for me. I need a good heart wrenching almost puke from doing it so hard cry. I have alot to unload and no physical way to let it out. It’s caged up inside me and I have to hold it down and let it wait until the right time. I’m not upset or anything, it’s all just pent up emotion from Christmas, stress, work, kids and personal things that needs an outlet. I’ve surpressed it for so long that I just need to cry it all out. I just have no one to cry on. I need arms around me, a box of tissues and soft comforting words while hands stroke my hair to let me really let loose as it all flows away. Then I can pick my head up, start over and be the person I normally am.. happy, quiet, content and relaxed. Until then, I’ll just be waiting.