I swear.. this man’s voice brings me to my knees.

Out on the front line, don’t worry I’ll be fine
The story is just beginning
I say goodbye to my weakness,
So long to the regrets
And now I know that I’m alive

I’ve never been one to not show my feelings. I have so many of them now that I can’t keep them all from emerging. I’m in turmoil. I’m struggling each moment that goes back to hold it together. I made a choice. I stopped letting the hurt slowly kill what was left of he and I, and yet I wish …

… I had my Daddy. His voice soothed all my stress. I still have his music on my mp3 player. I still have every song that he heard and told me it made him think of me. I still have every lyric embedded in my brain and every guitar strum plays my heart to perfection.

Old habits die hard.

I went into my bedroom with every intention of moving an item. I have this purple stuffed bear that holds a star. He’s perfect. He’s soft, silky, plush and smells like him. I slept with it every night. Last night, I was going to move him under the bed so I wouldn’t have to see it.

Plans went awry.

I changed into my fleecy pj bottoms, grabbed my big baggy white t-shirt and had every intention of moving him out of sight. I dropped onto the bed, staring at him and his innocent face. I reached out and curled my fingers into his soft body, pulled him up and caught a whiff of his scent. I was done in.

He found his niche; curled into my chest, just under my chin tight against my chest and breasts. I fell slowly on my side, head on the pillow and he was fitted to me like he was made for me. I sighed heavily, another deep draw in and his scent enveloped me.

I never left the bed after that. He never left my grasp. I slept like a baby with her favorite toy. He guarded me last night, keeping me safe and warm. This morning I woke and he was in his place still, my one arm still holding him tight. I thought of the words spoken when my bear arrived “When you hold that, you hold me. I’m there with you.” Indeed, he was last night. He was in my dreams, in my bed, in my arms and I woke and he was with me like he was every night before this.

I smell like him this morning. I miss him. I miss my Daddy.

Nickelback – If Today Was Your Last Day from Nickelback on Vimeo.

If it’s worth the price, it’s worth the fight.

~*~Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says,”Oh, shit -she’s awake! ~*~

I was cruising along and saw something that caught my eye.

Now this wasn’t the exact version I was looking for, but it’s about as close as I can get.

Dearest Deb… Enjoy!

Yeah just joking. I just love this song. I think it’s hilarious. My mom goes around singing this all the time.

*My new current favorite song ever*

Another day in this carnival of souls
Another nights sands end as quickly as it goes
The memories are shadows ink on the page
And I can’t seem to find my way home

And it’s almost like
Your heaven’s trying everything
Your heaven’s trying everything
To keep me out

All the places I’ve been and things I’ve seen
A million stories that made up a
million shatered dreams
The faces of people I’ll never see again
And I can’t seem to find my way home

Cause it’s almost like
Your heaven’s trying everything to break me down
Cause it’s almost like
Your heaven’s trying everything to keep me out

Cause it’s almost like
Your heaven’s trying everything to break me down
Cause it’s almost like
Your heaven’s trying everything
Your heaven’s trying everything to break me down
To break me down
To break me down

Your heaven’s trying everything
Your heaven’s trying everything to break me down

Acoustic version but its the words that get me.

I think entirely too much.

Lyfe Jennings – Statistics 101

It makes you think.

This touched me because I understand the whole “rise above” thing. I still struggle to do that every day. Doubt is a bitch.

Just a few tastes of things …. There’s meaning behind every song.