There is NOTHING finer then a good lookin’ country man singing and shakin his ass.

/insert pitter patter of heart here

I am afraid of change.

I am worried about a future that isn’t here yet.

I am fearful of the quiet that will engulf me later.

I miss my best friend and want to erase all the things that haunt her.

I avoided my best friend from high school because I don’t want to be seen as a failure in her eyes.

I cried quietly in the bathroom tonight because I felt neglected when deep down I know I wasn’t.

I almost cut tonight and I’m still lingering there.

I’m still crying and I can’t be sure what the reason is.

I’m pretending that I’m ok when deep down I’m just a scared little girl that wants the pain, the fear and the worry to go away.

I’m afraid that it won’t ever change.

I wish I was …… not here.

I was going to try to post every day this month but I am failing that miserably. I was busy all weekend, working on the house, cleaning like a mad woman.

I spent Saturday at Moms house helping her with a few things. It seems I’m going back this coming Saturday as well. I don’t mind, don’t let my comment fool you.

Shawn got the new job. He started today. He does like it but there’s a few drawbacks. I won’t go into details but they are things we will cope with.

The kids are fine, doing well actually. Lauren is settling into amazingly good grades and Logan is doing better.

There’s just not much going on. Things have been quiet. I will say this. I envy luna. I love her writing. She has Meditation Mondays, and the question of the week on Thursdays. I love that her Master dictates almost everything. The same goes for Kitten. They have these powerful controlling men and I just MELT with jealousy. LUCKY GIRLS!

I want that…. bad.

I wonder if my cold from before even went away. I’m sick. I have a nasty sinus infection and am hacking up this gross crap from my throat and constantly blowing my nose. The poor end of it is so raw it’s red. I even have the tissue with lotion and vicks!

I’ve been doped up on Nyquil/Dayquil, drinking so much water I feel like the Hoover Dam and vegging uot to movies. I spend little doing anything else. My stitching has taken a backseat too. The sinus pressure is so bad that it hurts my eyes to stitch. I took a tip from Deb and her dad though. I got a HOT washcloth over my sinuses and could feel them POPPING last night. It was strange as hell feeling but it worked to bring some relief last night.

So for today, I am off to rest yet again. No housework or anything. I feel like my head is packed full of cement. Shawn doesn’t seem to give a damn that I’m sick but eh.. fuck em.

Please note, the “Archives” page works now and the footer is corrected as well. A HUGE thank you to Miss Luna for all her help.

My WP was completely ancient and she not only helped with updating me on that but she fixed the page and the footer and everything.

*Grins* I am LOVING that everything finally works properly

xoxoxoxoxoxox luna!