So, obviously I’ve been busy. Sure I may not have a job but I have found creative ways to stay busy and doing “stuff”.

My Sim is a level 38 and she rocks out hard core. I love her <3

My less then nimble fingers have been hard at work creating and crafting the last few weeks. I've rolled out a few scarves, and currently jamming out several dish cloths in a wild variety of colors with my double ended crochet hook doing this weird shit called crochetnit. Sure, it’s simple but fun and well, I like it. Nuff said.

Then last week or so, Shawn dragged out the Christmas tree. I would have done more with the house but I spent the early part of this week fighting off death in the form of a wicked cold. Since I feel better, I took today to do some in home decorating, scrubbed the top of my range and have to watch my friend’s stepbrats for a couple of hours.

I will be helping the girl of the pair make a bookmark for my friend for Christmas. She is a nice kid, for the most part, unlike her truly asinine brother that I dislike. It’s not his fault he’s a douche. He lived with his biological meth-head mother for too long is all. He doesn’t know how t be normal.

So tonight is crafting and such for me and the girl. This week will have me baking a few goodies around the house. I have to get bread mix and make bread too. I love that smell!!! I have a coffee cake to make, some mini rolls and a few other things up my sleeve.

Amazingly enough, I have maintained my weight through this whole mess. I have not gained a pound with all the stress. Diet Coke is my BESTEST friend evar!!! Plus I have doing some Just Dance when I am not feeling like death and keeping busy with the dogs, the house hold stuff and life in general.

I have some Christmas shopping to finish up in the last few weeks. Lauren is SO not finished and I have to get a things for a few other people in my special “family”. (Special Family – Mike, Hope, Steph and her spouse Theo)

Otherwise, life is actually really good. Shawn and I aren’t fighting at all, except when he pushes me for secks. Yes, he wants the secks but I am holding back since it isn’t so great with him, LOL. The man couldn’t Dominate his way out of a wet paper bag. But otherwise, I’m very happy with him and enjoy our time hanging out. He’s like my best friend and stuff.

Oh speaking of “friends”…..

I was having a conversation and suddenly a former friend was brought up. Now, since I have no clue if the person bothers to read me or not, I will not name them. But the person was a topic with another person I know and that person asked if I had heard from my former friend. Now, the former and I have a friend in common and that person and I had also recently discussed my former friend. Former friend (from here referred to as FF) asked about me as well.

So since I know FF is around and online, instead of asking about me via 3rd party, why not contact me directly, right? Of course you wonder.. why aren’t you contacting FF yourself Theresa? Well see, I wasn’t the one that ended the friendship so after 2 previous attempts to speak to FF, I have left it to FF to figure life out and see if FF thinks I’m worthy of trying to salvage a relationship with. Given what I know and the current state of affairs, I will lay money down that FF won’t speak to me again.

So FF, if you are indeed reading this, I have this to say directly to you:

If you want to know anything about me, feel free to email me directly and ask me. Either you want to know me again or you just want to ask about me for the sake of knowing what I’m all about lately. I don’t hate you but really if you have time to use Facebook, Fetlife and other such things, you have time to email me instead of getting information from Mutual Friend. It takes 5 mins to write a quick email and ask to speak. Not too difficult if you ask me. I’ve done it. Mutual Friend and I have done it. It’s your turn.

Now, that having been said, the evil step kids will be here soon and I need to feed Lauren. She made the club volleyball team (a VERY elite group, tyvm) and has her first practice tonight.

Later taters!

Let me amend my former decency regarding my ex husband. He’s a flaming dickhead.

He was SUPPOSED to be here at 9am to take the kids to breakfast since I had plans at 1pm. He rolled his fucking ass into my drive at 11:10, not bothering to call until 10:22 this morning. I was livid. I realize he THINKS my schedule revolves around him but I told him point blank I was pissed.

“I would have thought you would respect my schedule since I allowed time for a visit that I didn’t have to do. I don’t appreciate you ignoring my plans so that you could just roll in whatever time you liked. If you were going to be late you should have the brains to call” was exactly how I greeted him. He said something that I ignored and I walked away leaving him standing in the rain. I give a fuck what his lame excuses are at this point. He’s my ex for a reason. He just reinforced that today with his selfish stupid behavior.

We were at my friend Steph’s house today for our 2nd Thanksgiving dinner. She made EVERYTHING save the scalloped corn, which by the way was a raging success.

Now I am finally able to relax and chill though tomorrow should prove interesting. I will explain that if/when my plans are set.

All I know is I am about turkey’d out for the year. Christmas.. I am not eating.

Yesterday turned out way better then I had imagined it might.

I was up at the crack of dawn cooking. I had to make the double portion of green bean casserole, my famous scalloped corn that Hope craves every holiday and then to top it all off, it was also Hope’s 37th birthday! I ended up making a cake as well, which totally surprised her

Lauren’s father is in town and of course wanted time with her. I let Lauren make the judgement call on that, as I frankly don’t care anymore. Per our custody arrangement, I don’t have to give him time if he doesn’t give me 14 days notice he will be in town, but with her age and such, I leave those choices up to her. As long as he respects our plans (if we have them) I let her sort it out and do her thing.

It worked to my advantage this year as she needed a dress for the Winter Semi Formal. She has a date and just needed the dress. As you know if you’ve been reading me, I don’t have a job right now and I still am not getting unemployment. So having the sperm donor take her out was perfect. They went Black Friday shopping. I hope they got everything she needed. I’ve not asked nor will I until I see her today.

Adding to that, I got Caleb last night! Again, if you’ve been reading me for any length of time, Caleb is my ex’s adopted son. His mother, Dawn, passed 7 yrs ago due to pancreatic cancer. My ex adopted him and I treat him how Dawn would have wanted me to, like my OWN son. She treated Lauren like her own daughter. It’s the least I could do.

So I have Caleb tonight again so the kids can spend time together and so Lauren’s bestie Amy can see him. (She’s head over heels in love with him!)

The sperm donor and I managed to get a long for the entire time he was there (he was there twice) and talked about the pending volleyball season with the club team. Lauren has one more try out and then we wait to find out for sure that she has made it. It affects his visitation for the summer and we had to be sure there wouldn’t be issues. He has assured me he will be happy to come here and arrange time when it will work best for her.

Dinner was wonderful. We ended up with a grand total of 12 in their house at one time or another, and add to that a total of 6 dogs. It was fantastic and well worth being there for a good chunk of the night.

Today has found my boys on the roof helping with Christmas lights since the weather is decent enough. Lauren is due home soon so she can hang out with her brother and get Amy here. We will be heading out for a few things over at Steph’s then I get to come back here and prepare another round of my scalloped corn for “Thanksgiving” dinner tomorrow at Stephanie’s.

It’s a LONG hectic weekend but I’m so glad I’m not sitting at home doing nothing but instead running all over creation with my kids and friends.

I’ve struggled long and hard the last 6 weeks. I couldn’t mind to be thankful for, then I looked at my sister, my children, my friends and my life and realized I am far better off then many this season. I have all the basics to live and a couple of luxuries.

I also have my blog and the few readers that follow me. You may say little or nothing at all, but you read, you keep up and that means more then I can say.

Thank you! I am thankful for you all and hope my American followers had a nice holiday and my other readers have a great weekend!

.. more regular posting!

“ZOMG SHE’S POSTING….. AGAIN!”

Inorite!!!

I am posting a lot lately. I’m not posting a lot of substance but I’m here and I’m posting fairly regularly.

I’m reading more and more and trying to figure out how to get myself more domestic. I can look all around my house and see probably 100 things that need attention. I bet if I brought my mother in she would see 1000. (But who’s counting, right?) But I am very aware of the fact that I’m NOT the world’s best housekeeper.

With winter quickly advancing and me not working, I’m trying to tackle sections of the house each day. Most times none are related to the other unless I see something that needs my attention when I am already working on one spot. So I am slowly going systematically through each room, each section of each room and each container in each section of each room and cleaning, organizing and disposing of crap that just seems to show up out of the clear blue sky.

I have a VERY small house. Ask Deb. She can testify. It’s tiny! So maximizing space is essential and keeping clutter down even more so. I am seriously considering moving my crafting things to my closet to maximize space in the living room. But then I would have no where for my purse tote (which houses shoes as well) to go in the closet. So I am trying to downsize things I don’t need (like all these purses) and use the space wisely for the things I truly love and want to keep. It’s hard to part with some of this stuff but I have to and will, regardless. (And no, I will not get rid of my skull purse. Lauren is just waiting for me to give it to her, SOOOOO not going to happen)

So I think next week it will be the living room.

This will include but is not limited to:

• the hutch
• the craft area
• the book case
• the small storage container next to the hutch
• the computer “dresser”
• the dreaded hall closet!!!! (which I hate)

Let’s just hope I can actually get off my lazy ass and get it done

I am thinking of taking before and after pictures of a few things but since I don’t really like to post pictures of the house, I am divided on that. If you see pictures, you know I changed my mind.

As for now, I am going to enjoy the last bit of today’s freedom before the kids get home. The time flies when you lay around and do nothing all day.

How does a submissive that’s lost track of her place in the lifestyle reconnect?

Without an active partner, I find it hard to identify with the needs I have. I can’t really act on them.

When you find yourself struggling with your submissive/slave identity, how do you reconnect?

That word causes turmoil every where it is mentioned. We all know someone who tried it, did it or we were the ones who did it.

I fall into all 3 categories.

I’ve lost friends to suicide. I have tried it and I know others who have as well.

My daughter recently used that word in reference to herself. Recently as in, last night.

I woke to the phone ringing at 10pm last night to a friend of hers calling me asking me to check on her. The boy, C, has an older sister with mental health issues so when Lauren made a reference to suicide, he asked if she had a plan. She indeed did. I know this because he forwarded the text messages to my cell phone.

I had a VERY long discussion with her this morning. Her thoughts on suicide were about a year ago when her father, Douchebag, and I were fighting and her adopted brother Caleb was caught in the middle of some pretty ugly things going on with Douche and his biological father.

I took the word very seriously as did her friend C. I was concerned. The mother of C called me since she was concerned and her son hadn’t slept most of the night sick with worry over Lauren. She got a hard case of “WTF” this morning and learned that suicide isn’t a word that is thrown about lightly or easily.

I am not done discussing it with her and she has lost her internet privileges for the time being and her cell phone. Today was a rough day with little sleep last night, talking to her this morning and trying to figure out how to handle the situation. I trust her when she says the thoughts weren’t recent. She has it good right now.

Her grades are the best they have been in years, she has tons of friends and she has several boys tripping over themselves to get her attention. She has been asked by 3 boys at our school to Winter Formal and asked to 2 other formals at other schools by friend’s sons. She excels at volleyball and is smarter then she gives herself credit. No, life isn’t perfect but in comparison to many, she is doing damn good. She appreciates the small things, is kind, polite and funny as hell.

I ended up on the phone with her father for about an hour today trying to explain to him that he has a percentage of the blame (without actually BLAMING him) and to make him take stock in his dwindling relationship with her. Hopefully, something will come from talking to him today, but I won’t hold my breath. It never lasts. He forgets as soon as he’s done talking to her.

I think the worst is over but obviously there will be some more talking going on in the VERY near future. For now, I will struggle with the best ways to approach the situation and her and hope that my own experiences will assist and help her find her way through whatever is ailing her.

I have spent almost the ENTIRE day in my kitchen and I’ve not cooked a single thing. I toasted a bagel but that’s about it.

I have literally cleaned EVERY cupboard I have inside and out then reorganized them all. That should properly fuck them all up when putting away dishes and trying to find things.

The refrigerator is next on my list of things to totally violate today as well. It needs a thorough cleaning and such inside and out. I think my family thinks I am possessed. They are all avoiding me, which is probably a good thing.

Last night we had Mike and Hope out to play cards. Hope had asked earlier in the day if bringing Jake (a young co worker of Mike’s) out with them was fine. He’s a very nice kid so I said “Sure, but please tell me his g/f isn’t coming”. Hope didn’t think so, therefore I wasn’t too worried.

Well, when they all showed up, the g/f was with them. Now, I guess in my older age I am way more uppity about things then I used to be, but she threw Jake out, fucked around on him and used him. I personally can’t stand the snaggle toothed cow but, hey I’m not fucking her so…. anyway..

Shawn made a comment this morning that it seemed obvious that I didn’t like her. I thought I played it pretty nice last night so I will have to ask Hope if I came across as a cunt, lol. But it’s not like I care if I did.

I spent the early part of the day with Steph again. We did some of her shopping and I was able to hit the grocery store for a few things to tide us over until next pay.

All in all really, it’s been a good weekend. I am being productive as hell so that my coming week can be lazier and more laid back. I still have household stuff that will get done daily but in all honesty, the kitchen really needed this overhaul. I’ve been a terrible house keeper with working, managing the kids and basically not wanting to clean. I think even my mother would be impressed

… I thought what better reason to use my blog again….. Right?

So since I am home all damn day, doing lots of domestic stuff, I thought I should start posting since I plan on keeping my blog. Sure, I will have to save up to keep it but I think maybe I can manage the expense.

I’m slowly starting to read more on Fetlife again. I want to see how the other half lives. Of course, I just look at that lucky cunt kaya (i luff you!) and wish I was her!

So now I’m reading most posts, cruising Fetlife quietly (I don’t say much there, I read a lot) and MANY domestic service type blogs to get my head wrapped around doing more at the house on our new tighter budget and making things work better for everyone. I saw the thing for making my own toilet bowl cleaner and I am reorganizing the entire kitchen next week. I need kaya to figure out the liquid version of the homemade laundry soap so I can get a copy of it from her and then I have to make my own fabric softener too. I want to cut costs where I can and maximize everything possible. Suggestions are welcome!!!!

I’m cooking a lot more too. So I’m searching for crock pot recipes and simple things that make a good amount for little cost and with minimal ingredients. Speaking of which, I have a good sloppy joe recipe (which most have heard of I think) that I’m willing to share with anyone that wants it. Just comment here and I’ll share

So now I am working towards refining my domestic attitude and abilities. I was never one for a spotless house but now I can’t stand to look at the dog hair, laundry and general disorder of my very small home. I am systematically working towards downsizing the things I don’t need, cleaning out clothes that no longer fit anyone and storing the summer things away in the tubs the winter things were in. Speaking of winter, I got my fleece pj bottom’s out. Oh man I hate the cold but <3 these damn pants!!!

So the kinky mom is becoming more domestic. Always looking for new friends, new ideas and ways to make life a bit more relaxed. Hit me with your best shot!

Thanks to Bonnie @ My Bottom Smarts! for starting this special day for bloggers.

If I have any, please feel free to leave a comment (email addresses are hidden and won’t be shared) and say HI! No matter how long you’ve read, how you found me or what you think, please let me know you exist. It helps me feel like my writing matters to someone other then me.

If you aren’t a lurker but you’ve not commented in a while, take this opportunity to say hello again

The last several days have been full of ups and downs.

First, let’s start with Logan’s appointment. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to afford it since I recently lost my medical insurance. After talking to the office manager, I am making payments for the visit. The Dr and others found me help in getting the medication paid for by the company that makes Vyvanse. I won’t be paying for his medication for the first year. I am -SO- incredibly thankful. I would have done anything to pay for it, including letting my internet/phone/cable tv go. It’s not about me, it’s about what my children need and Logan REALLY needs this medication.

If you know or have a child with ADHD and you find other medication isn’t working, please take a look at Vyanse.

I was kidnapped yesterday by Stephanie to assist in her Christmas shopping. I was picked up at 1pm and not returned home until 10pm. I spent a total of 9 hrs out with her (along with Lauren and Amy) and OMG am I hurting today. My poor feet and knees are a wicked mess. We cruised all over our local mall, Toys R Us, Lowe’s, ABC Warehouse and TJ Maxx. I have NEVER shopped so much in my entire life… ever. I am doing it all over again next Saturday. I am a masochist, does it show?

Lauren is fighting off a wicked cold. She feels like absolute crap. She dosed on Nyquil last night and Dayquil today. It’s about the only way she can function. Logan had his buddy Ryan over and they have taken over my Wii for the morning. I don’t mind. Everyone is happy and it gives me time to post here and update.

I found yarn to knit Stephanie a scarf, thanks to her basically picking it out herself without knowing its for her. I found a nice purple for myself since I’m the only one without a handmade scarf. Personally, I’d like to learn to make a shawl but I don’t have the patience just yet for that.

I have spent the last couple of days (before the weekend) cleaning like crazy. Deb can testify, she heard me doing it. Tomorrow I start on the kitchen and tear it apart to get it clean. I’m working through a great deal of internal stress and emotions. I need the cleaning to help me get to where I need to be.

I dealt with a lot of anxiety last night, after shopping. Our Ford Explorer (the poor beast) needed the front brakes done. They had all but gone out on Shawn while driving. Needless to say, they were actually seized up. Good thing he wasn’t killed in the process of driving the damn thing. The anxiety came from the fact that the parts that were required to fix the entire brake system cost around $275. Stephanie’s husband Theo, (whom Shawn used to work with) paid for it all. When Shawn told me the news, I broke into a deep sobbing cry against him and instantly started calculating when I could start paying them back and how much I could afford. I was promptly informed it was a Christmas present. My jaw hit the floor and I started sobbing even harder. Plus I was informed that the family and I were doing dinner with them tonight as well.

It is times like this I wonder what I have done to deserve good people in my life. I am not the best person, best mother or best wife. I am not always patient, kind and considerate. I don’t give until it hurts and I do put my own needs first very often. I pay my bills and such but then I look to what I can squeak out for a treat for myself. (Even if it is only a medium fry and chocolate shake from McD”s once in a while).

I am not an overly religious person but it was this instance that reminded me that things work in their own way. So due to that, I say this:

Thank You Lord. I am not worthy to receive such kindness and generosity from those around me. Thank You for blessing with a wonderful loving sister in Deb, kind and understanding friends like Stephanie and Theo and Your love and blessings. I will do my best to pay it forward and give to others when and where I can afford it. Thank You for the helping hand when I needed it most. You reminded me of the good and special things in life, when I thought my world would come crashing down around me my feet.

That having been said, I have to meet a young man that wants to date my daughter soon, get a shower and clean up around the house before we have dinner with our friends and plan out my week of cleaning. I am also starting to figure out how I will pay to renew my blog. At this point it’s one of the only outlets I have and I will NOT let it go. I need this space more then I knew and I’ll be damned if I will sacrifice it so easily.