The holiday is over. Now, we just wait for Lauren’s dad to get his gifts up here and it will really be over. I have the same emotional let down that I always contend with after Christmas. I feel vacant and empty and just want to relax.

I’ve spent the better part of the last 2 days reading in bed. I got into a tremendous fight with Shawn and basically I’ve withdrawn myself from him as much as possible. I read last night, finished the book and started another and finished it this morning. I plow through books like a hot knife through butter. Later today I will start Twilight and see where that takes me.

Where the matter with Shawn is concerned, I hit my point of absolution last night. It went on all day Saturday and finally last night it hit me. Before last night, I was trying to figure out how I would do this. How I would tell him I wanted him out, to leave and be gone. How would I tell him I wanted a divorce? But he surprised me. He makes it easier then he knows when he turns into this flaming prick and it takes all my inner strength to not start in on it right then and there. I bit my tongue, walked away and read. I secluded myself in bed with my book and water and pretended he didn’t exist. The kids were in bed, I was reading and he was nothing to me. I hated him last night and the feelings didn’t abate this morning. I’ve all but ignored him so far today (except where I’ve had to speak to him) and could care less what happens to him so long as he’s out of my way. Don’t mistake my lack of emotion for hate. I don’t hate him. I worry for him for when I ask him to leave and tell him I want a divorce. I worry what it will do to him and if he will try to take Logan from me. But the more I see him this way (and hes like this alot lately) the more I am sure of myself and my desire to be rid of the marriage.

The new year will ring and I will try my best to enjoy it. Our new neighbors are going to drop by and play cards and have a drink with us. I will ring it in with them and ignore Shawn’s desire to try to kiss me at midnight. He acts as though things are fine when he knows better. (We’ve not kissed since October btw, sex has been even longer, nor do I tell him I love him.)

With the new year are resolutions that need to be made. Hopefully I will fulfill all of mine (which are coming in a post later on) and be able to finally have a year of goodness and not sadness.

For now I think I will eat (since I never ate dinner last night) and grab my book. Now that Christmas has finally passed, I can take the time to relax, and try to focus on a few things I’ve let go by the way side.

I hope each of you had some semblance of happiness this Christmas. Some of you did while others were ready to strangle children (Bliss). For me it was a mixed bag and I’m trying to decide if it was more good then bad.

Twilight calls, I really should answer.

It’s the day after. The paper is gone, the ribbons and string tossed in the trash and good are strewn about the house hopelessly.

I have stepped on cars, race track, bottle of nailpolish and unwrapped a STACK of movies and DS games. It’s finally over for the year.

I got a purse I admired at Target, the first of the Twilight Books, a movie I wanted and my new camera. I got a DICKIES brand hoodie and a digital photo frame. I think I got nifty stuff this year. My new digital camera is the best gift I’ve received this year. I gave Lauren my old one (much to her delight) and barely let my new one out of my sight. It’s fancy!

Lauren got just a few clothes, nothing major. She did get a dvd player for her room though, and she already has several movies of her own so she will probably remain secluded most of the the remainder of break. I got a new dvd player for the living room and Logan got the old one for his room. He was overjoyed to open it, not caring that it was the old one. It meant it was HIS to keep so he’s happy. The kids got a handful of new DS games, a few clothes and mostly toys. Logan got about every damn Hot Wheels Car under the sun, some Speed racer cars and some monster trucks. He got a new camo shirt (as hes on a camo kick) and another shirt and jeans. Miss Thing got hair stuff, nail stuff, a gift card for Claires, some cute sweats, a new St Phil sweatshirt, an iPillow and oh, the new Taylor Swift CD. Plus, Shawn’s mother made her a new poncho (crocheted) which I will take a pic of her wearing and post it. She simply loves it.

Shawn got his dumbbells, a movie and um RISK. Oh his brother Mark got him a set of Dickies coveralls and jacket. Now he looks the part of a redneck.

My best gift came late last night. I curled up with the phone and called Dad. We spoke for over an hour and both my step sisters were there as well. I got to speak to both of them and my step mother. It’s all done. The past is the past and I’m not looking at it anymore. I’m done living with anger and hurt. I want my Dad and that means taking my step mother too. So I spoke to Mom and Dad and my sisters, got the updates on all of them. He made sure I spent every penny of the $100 Amazon gift card he gave me and was thrilled to hear I did and that I had things showing up this week. He wanted to know what “he” got me and I recited the list, much to his delight. He laughed and we joked. We are trying to plan a visit soon so that he and Sher can meet the kids and have some quality grandparent time with the both.

Today is a quiet day. I will do some returning tonight and some major grocery shopping tomorrow. I have to send out one bill (ugh) and then I have met most of my major obligations for the year. The evening was quiet. I was able to mellow out last night and relax.

I think all in all my Christmas turned out nicely. It wasn’t ideal but then again I can’t do much about that, now can I?

I hope everyones Christmas was filled with love and happiness, regardless of where you spent it.

Merry Christmas