It’s been a wild ride the last few days.

I turned in my 2 week notice to my current job on Saturday. As much as I loved my job, most of my co-workers and the awesome customers, I had to leave. The ASM (assistant store manager) and Receiver had finally pushed me too far. They both have this thing where they bitch at me for something EVERYONE in the store does (it’s a variety of things) and yet, they do it as well and think it’s ok. It’s a case of “Do as I say, not as I do” especially with the ASM.

One of the customers is the owner of a local hardware store. I half jokingly said to him a few weeks ago, if you need someone, let me know. Lo and behold, he and his wife kept coming in on my days off and missing me. Finally the wife caught up with me, and I was asked to come in and talk to her husband. After a real informal interview and filling out the application, I went along my way hoping to hear something.

I had asked for a considerable raise from what I make now, I asked for my hours to remain fairly simple so I could be a parent to my children at night. I asked that I have just a handful more hours then I currently get.

I got it all.

I turned in my notice to my boss Saturday and he was shocked. But my reasons were clear and he simply said, “This is just more fuel for the fire.” I am positive that refers to the ASM. I’m not the only person that complains about her and I know for a fact that our DM came in and had a long “talk” with her and our boss in the office for over an hour.

I have no clue if my boss told the ASM on Saturday before he left, but my guess is no. I’m glad to be leaving though. I can’t wait for my last day, which for now, I plan on fulfilling all my scheduled shifts. Should she piss me off, I may call in “sick” my last regular day so I can enjoy a 3 day weekend.

I start my new job on the 22nd of this month. It’s a few miles further drive but totally worth it. I will be the ONLY woman working in the store (HUZZAH) and that in and of itself makes this new job worth it’s weight in gold.

Finally, I can look forward to working and not hating my job. Partner this with my current weight loss, (see ticker above) and I can just see the pounds falling off me.

On that note, I will tell more of how I am doing with that.

I rarely if ever drink soda anymore. What I do drink is either Coke Zero or the rare Pepsi Max. I watch every bite I eat, measure it out and rarely cheat. I drink so much water I feel like I’m floating. I don’t snack on unhealthy items and I’m doing some basic strength training here at home. I am investing in a treadmill. I hate the idea of walking outside. I just don’t like it. I’m getting a few inexpensive weight pieces at a time to fill in the gaps for certain exercises I need and I’m investing in a pedometer. I’m playing with the idea of ankle weights to wear while I’m at work and possibly wrist weights.

I’ve taken this whole weight loss very seriously. I want to be pretty. I want to be desirable. I want to turn heads.

I’m going to do this and succeed!

Things they are achangin’ and for the better!

or …

Monday’s fucking suck..

Take your pick of titles. I don’t care.

As I sit here drinking a delicious Coke Zero and scarfin’ down Baked Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream chips, it hits me that I’ve not posted shit in a while. I’m here to remedy that.

If you visit here at all, you see the new ticker-majigger at the top. Ta da. I’m trying to lose weight. I do my weigh ins weekly on Sunday. I track EVERY FUCKING BITE OF FOOD OR DRINK religiously. I hate it but it’s the only way. On days I don’t work, I do strength training. On days I do work, I get an ass load of cardio since I work retail, plus I do lifting so I get some strength training in that way as well.

Thus far, I have lost 3lbs. This may not seem like much but in honesty it’s huge for me. I have all but cut soda from my diet. I have maybe 3 a week and they are all “diet” or “diet like” soda’s with zero calories. I eat healthier, …. like A LOT healthier. I haven’t been this self conscience of my body in a long time and it was long over due. So hurray for the fat bitch getting thinner and losing weight!

The kids are doing well. Lauren has a 16yr old boyfriend named Zack. So far, I approve. He’s not the dweeby shit that her last one was and he seems to adore her like a goddess. Also, he has never even kissed a girl so I’m not worried about him moving too fast with Lauren. If he did, I would castrate him.

Logan is doing very well. He has shown much improvement over this school year. I attribute a lot of it towards the new teacher. She is very progressive and open minded, but Logan has matured a great deal as well. Since he is doing better, he is playing Little League this year. I look forward to watching him crank the ball over the other kids heads.

Lauren has also decided to stay home this summer. She told her father last night that she would be staying since she wants to be with Amy, Zack and other friends. She has also volunteered to work the concession with Amy at Little League, PLUS she has volleyball camps to attend over the summer as well. Her father was disappointed but he knew this day would likely come. With her other brother Caleb spending most of his summer with his biological father in Indiana, she has little reason to go visit since her father’s g/f is a royal cunt. Caleb’s father and I are friends and we both want the kids together over the summer so Lauren will go there and he will visit here. Plus, the kids and I will likely get to go to the Indy 500 this summer with Caleb and his father Bob.

I had an informal interview today with a different local retailer. I have had enough of the drama where I work and I am looking to make a change. It would be more reliable hours and more money, less drama. I would actually be the only woman besides the owner’s wife who works in the office. The owner of the business is looking to make me an offer in a week or so. Hopefully he can give me what I need and I can have set hours and make the money I want without dealing with hormonal women, dog food or long hours.

As for now, I am going to relax to tv and then make dinner. I hear tacos calling my name.

I did something today that I never thought I would do.

This is me less then 10 yrs ago.

This is also me almost 10 yrs ago.

10 yr reunion

These are me now:

I hate my body. I hate myself. This is not who I am, or who I want to be. I don’t want to be remembered this way.

It’s time for a change.

Through the last week or so, I’ve had to pick apart things, let go and find a better and healthier path for myself.

I cleaned out my purse. I found a few things tucked away in there that always kept me grounded to the recent past and have either tossed them out or tucked them away in a box for when I can appreciate their beauty independent from where they came from.

I cleaned out my mp3 player. There were a few songs that were preformed by someone and a few that were associated as well. Those have since been removed.

But what I learned hasn’t been removed. I am beautiful, just the way I am. I am curvy, vuluptous and sexy. My hair is amazingly rockin, my eyes can illict a deep burning desire and my voice is a velvety smoothness that can make the hardest edges soften.

It took me a long time to see what was there and appreciate the view from an outside perspective. But the ability has grown and I have found a way to make it work to my advantage.

I belong to myself, for the first time. I own me completely and take pride in it…. for the very first time. The road to getting here was bumpy and frought with some unsavory things but the past is behind me and I can set out on a new and brighter future.

I am a part of something bigger and better. I have started today on a new journey, not just emotionally but physically as well. Thanks to a special group of women (and Luna) I have all that I need in support and desire to improve myself. It’s not just the emotional me that is improving, its the physical.

Eat your <333 out.

The routine at home is calm and sedate right now.

Shawn and I have spent much of the last few days working on the yard. We had sprayed down a good layer of Pasture Pro earlier this summer and we have no weeds in the yard anymore. You can actually walk on the grass.

We have a miniscule pad of cement that goes out from the backslider. We had some wood laying around and we are building a small flat deck finally. There was no place for the outside table and grill and it was taking up too much space in the garage. So a deck is being added so there is a reason to actually start using the backslider.

School can’t start soon enough. Laws in Michigan prevent the kids from going back until after the Labor Day holiday is over. I wish they could go back sooner but sadly I am waiting. Lauren is driving me nuts and Logan is anxious to see his new classroom. Neither of them are completely prepared for school but there is little left to do. Logan just needs shoes and Lauren gets nothing more until she finds out if she needs special things for any of her classes.

Work is work and thankfully my hours will be shifting with the school year. I am off freight now as well. My poor knees can’t take it and I don’t like being there that late when I know I have to be up early in the morning with the kids.

I’ve been stitching away at my gifts. I am loving the feel of the perle cotton and the look is lovely and gives it more depth then normal floss does. I think I’ll have to do more perle cotton stuff later on.

My latest read is Our Lady of Babylon by John Rechy. It’s been interesting so far and I’m not far into the book. This is one I think kaya may want to read once I’m done with it. She and I are considering a book swap. It will be another way to keep my mind busy. Of course, right now shes off at spankfest being used a ring toss. I’m so jealous LOL!

It’s been raining on and off for 3 days here and my joints are killing me. I’m going to have to see a new Dr regarding my knees. My boss’ boss gave me the name of his ortho in Grand Rapids and I will be calling soon to see if they take our insurance and see if they will see me. I don’t know yet if I need a referral. Hopefully I can get in and get this mess dealt with. I am in pain on a regular basis now and in need of something more then just pain pills to keep it managable. Until I get that, I keep icing and keeping my knees wrapped up as much as I can, and taking the least amount of meds I can to keep myself walking. The coming winter will not be pleasent if I can’t get a resolution to it soon.

On another note, I am joining up with a couple of others to form a private support group. We are all interested in dropping a few pounds and need the support of others. I am smaller then I was but I need the drive of other women that are like minded to help nudge me along, just like they do.

Now it’s time to go stitch, wrap some heat around my knees because they are stiff and cold. I am going to rest and take the day to enjoy a few movies.

P.S.
I still need to update this damn thing. I want to make some changes but I’m so not good with WordPress. HALP!